XLVIII

“My friend once asked me,
Was it possible
To kill yourself
Without killing yourself
And I found the thought absurd
Why would you want
To put yourself
Through that kind of hurt

I got concerned
Wondering why someone
Anyone
Would want that pain
But slowly their question
Bubbled away
Into the dark crevasses of my brain

A few days later
I met you
And we talked without words
And the attention I got
Was enough from you
That it played my emotions
Like the keys of a piano
And I would play a merry tune

And it took time
But I started to realise
That maybe the way
Your emotions played mine
May have meaning
And I found myself
On the edge of the pool
Wondering whether I should attempt to swim

Yet the water chose for me
And I found myself
Drowning in an emotion
That I have heard be called love
And I found I didn’t want to be saved

But then I was told
About how you loved someone else
And my high crashed down
And I was pulled out the water
And my tune turned sour
And I remembered a question
My friend once asked

Well now I can say
I finally learnt how
To kill myself
without killing myself
And it was through something as simple
As loving someone
who loved someone else.”
– E.J.R

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